I finally had my emotional breakdown yesterday. I gave into the pity party and allowed myself to feel frustrated, anxious, fearful, and sad. It’s been two weeks on crutches, not much improvement for my foot, and an upside down lifestyle change. Urges from a few friends, my family, and advice from people in the medical field were telling me it was time to see a doctor. For the first time, I let my thoughts drift to the idea that this was more than just a bad sprain. Slight panic ensued. What if it’s broken? What if I need surgery? What if I can’t work for another 6-8 weeks? What if this ends up costing me way more than I can afford? Breakdown. 2 weeks of trying to hold it together and stay positive finally released in the form of tears. It sounds silly that the emotional pain outweigh the physical pain but it’s true. Sitting on the couch, hopping around on one foot, not being able to run, surf, and do yoga? I’m a stir crazy mess (and yet I continue to drink at least two cups of coffee a day giving me comfort and heart palpitations simultaneously.)
So on my way to the doctor’s yesterday I put my iTunes on shuffle and Rod Stryker’s Meditation cd came on,
“Some years ago, scientists began to clinically disprove the mystical notion that prayer could affect the health or wellbeing of another. Their studies proved them wrong. Our thoughts do in fact create waves that affect others and the world we live in. Peace, healing and the liberating power of self awareness can be transmitted, particularly if we ourselves are fully enlivened with it. The more you become anchored in peace the stronger and more capable you become of sharing it with others. For it to have the most positive effect possible, your offering whether to a person,a group, or circumstance should be given unconditionally- free from expectation or attachment to any particular outcome. Once you become steeped in peace you can set the intention to effortlessly heal and transform others.”
Boom. That short 1 minute track was exactly what I needed to gain perspective and leave the pity party. Regardless of the situation I am in, I am blessed. Besides my foot, I am healthy. This is minor. Instead of focusing on myself, who or what else can I shift my thoughts to? How can I create more peace in my life right now so that I can share that with others who really need it?
My -rays showed a fractured fibula which I took to be pretty good news. No break, no surgery, but a ginormous boot to fashion for the next few weeks. Sexy I know.
