We are so pleased to introduce Brittany, a guest blogger for our “Real Brides” blog series. Brittany is recently engaged and living in NYC with her fiancé Eric. The couple is planning their wedding which will take place in Chicago. She will be sharing tips, inspiration and ideas on the Wedding Paper Divas blog for engaged couples who are navigating the world of weddings!
Less than 48 hours after our engagement, I sat down at the breakfast table at my parents’ house to a giant folder full of venue pamphlets and availability information. (My parents had a few weeks’ head start on planning, since Eric had asked their permission – guess they’re excited to marry their last child off!) And so began what, for us, was a complex process of venue hunting, date checking, and – not to mention – soul searching! Of all of the planning we’ve completed so far, this was by far the most challenging (and surprisingly emotional) task.
Picking the venue and date are obviously incredibly weighty decisions, made more difficult by mixing different opinions and visions and complex schedules. With this in mind, here are some of our learnings and considerations for newly engaged couples setting out on the planning process!
- BEFORE diving into site checks, think through the feel of the wedding. This is the backdrop for the day that is devoted to celebrating your union – what does it look like to you? Indoor/outdoor? Classic/elegant or epic dance party? Are there any thematic elements from your relationship you want to work into the decor?
You might be raring to go, but we found it to be very important to pause and think through these questions before visiting venues. Even if you’ve been planning your wedding since you were little, spend a ton of time on wedding blogs and Pinterest to see what excites you (as I discovered, what you wanted when you were little may have changed completely!). Doing this work upfront will save time, energy and emotional conflict.
- Discuss expectations with your fiancé, and prepare to give and take. First, ask your fiancé how involved he wants to be. Eric definitely doesn’t want to have a lot to do with the nitty-gritty planning tasks, but he has his opinions on the big things and he’s half of the equation!
Eric and I ran into big dilemma with regards to the venue: I wanted outdoor/garden, and he wanted indoor/downtown hotel. For months, I stubbornly tried to find a meet-in-the-middle solution, and came up short-handed. In retrospect, it was unrealistic to think there would be a perfect compromise for every time Eric and I didn’t see eye to eye (even for huge decisions like the wedding venue). We’ve found it’s best to figure out who takes the lead on any particular decision – for example, in the end, we went with the Chicago Botanic Garden, but I’m making sure Eric gets the things he cares the most about, too. (Having our guests stay downtown, food & drinks, music, dress code etc.)
@cbgweddings beautiful fall day #circlegarden #chicagobotanicgarden
A photo posted by @brittanykyle101 on Oct 10, 2014 at 6:06pm PDT
- When picking the location, think thoroughly through where you are in your life, and if you anticipate big changes. Are you secure and content with your job, or are you considering making a professional move in the next year? Are lots of your close friends getting engaged and married in a similar time frame? Everything adds up fast (feeling pressure to “prove yourself” in a new job, finances, vacation day requests etc.) If you’re anticipating factors like these, it might be wise to, for example, steer away from a destination wedding.
Another location consideration: are you going to want to be super-involved in the planning process and taste the cake of every baker in a 50 mile radius? As a Chicago bride-to-be living out of state, I have a limited number of flights/trips I can take for planning, so it’s essential to prioritize and be OK with “outsourcing” some decisions to my family.
- Have a near-final guest list ready (and a ballpark headcount) before you settle on venue. Understandably, cutting down a guest list based on a strict head count creates a ton of anxiety. I have very hard time with things like that, so even though there were some beautiful venues that seemed perfect (like the Ivy Room), they were too small – and I’m glad I didn’t go see them, potentially fall in love and wind up with a hands-tied-behind-my-back feeling.
- Listen to your gut. So simple, yet so important. I had so many ideas tied to a garden wedding, and kept trying to figure out how to make them work in a different setting because of mine and Eric’s differing opinions. There was a lot of churn, and I probably would have saved my family and close friends from some grief had I had a little more faith in my vision from the beginning. That is not to say I should have ignored Eric’s wishes, but it became clear that I was way more emotionally invested in the Garden than he in any particular venue, so that was our cue.
- Research other conflicting factors. Before signing on the dotted line, make sure you know what other big local events are taking place. Lollapalooza, a marathon, the Pope visiting town – these are all things I and my fellow engaged friends have run into, and affect hotel blocks, traffic, timing, and a million other factors.
- Remember to be gracious! A nice thank you note to catering and events managers at venues goes a million miles. Two venue employees in particular absolutely blew me away, really taking the time to get to know me, Eric and our families. Even though we didn’t select these venues, we made sure they – and their bosses – knew how much we appreciated their efforts and hospitality, and their responses were absolutely heartwarming.
A big thank you (and a round of applause) for our truly fantastic team for yesterday's luncheon. @aandbcreative, @twigssfloral, @delbarrmoradi, @melissasearles, and @100_layercake – well done, ladies! #weddingpaperdivas
A photo posted by Wedding Paper Divas (@weddingpaperdivas) on Feb 7, 2014 at 10:49am PST
See Brittany’s unique wedding proposal story .
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- Unique Wedding Proposal Story
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- Gifts for Parents of The Bride
