The only problem was the Coldplay. The Coldplay and craft beer don’t mix.
Coldplay with a moldy slice of Wonder Bread and a bottle of lukewarm Corona? Sure, why not. I can appreciate the dreadful blandness and inspired take on self-flagellation such a pairing would provide. I do not, however, want to feel fucking Coldplay being shoved down my poor, defenseless ear canals while I’m sitting in a proper beer bar, drinking craft beer, attempting to have a good time by myself in Perth. Or anywhere. Ever.
By trying to have a good time alone in this remote capital city, I mean to say that I was trying to get tipsy without coming off as a lonely drunk (I’m not one), a potential sexual predator scoping out the scene (not that either), or a loose cannon with predatory tendencies (usually not). Because I learned that in Perth, just as I have in London and Sydney, going out to eat or drink alone is kind of a sad thing.
Among all those loving couples and rowdy groups of mates, you, the poor lonely sap all by himself, cold tears of despair and regret trickling down trembling cheeks into that sad, expensive beer, are conspicuous. You make people a little nervous, particularly if your face is not buried in your iPhone screen at all times.
“Is he looking around? Oh my god he is. Keep an eye on him; he’s probably a murderer or rapist or pedo.”
It’s not like that in, say, my old Brooklyn stomping grounds. We eat out and drink ourselves silly alone all the time; nobody bats an eyelash. A great Tuesday night out is bringing a book to Daddy’s and ripping through a few chapters while getting ripped.
Anyway, good times are diluted and it becomes harder to stop scoping the room for weak lambs to keep my shit together when I hear the Coldplay. My teeth grit and my body swells and my eyes bulge and YOU WON’T LIKE ME WHEN I’M ANGRY! Since in public it would be impolite to pull out my scrote and wrap it around my neck and choke myself until fainting, the only other reasonable way to make the Coldplay stop is to leave the bar entirely.
So, when the Coldplay came on at Petition Beer Corner , that was my cue.
Everything was just peachy otherwise. Swish and stylish, the place just opened last October in a refurbished government state house from the 1870s. What’s it look like inside? Close your eyes and picture the coolest coffee shop or beer bar in your neighborhood, unless that happens to be Applebee’s or TGIF, in which case you should move. Are you seeing things like exposed brick and timber and pendant lights? Of course you are–that’s this place.
Beer Corner is just one of three prongs at Petition; there’s also a fancy wine bar and a proper restaurant , but I wasn’t hungry and wine bars give me gas, so I can’t tell you whether either of them are worth sniffing around. (Dear Petition: Since I’m a travel writer, if you offer to comp all my food and all my glasses of wine on my next visit, in exchange I’ll write an impartial-yet-glowing review of your wine bar and restaurant. Hit me up!)
Aside from the goddamn Coldplay, though, I can tell you that Beer Corner is great, and that I had a lovely time getting tipsy by myself and trying not to look like a deviant. There are 20 taps here — 18 in the main bar area and two more near the small bottle shop — 15 of which, during my visit, were earmarked for Feral Brewing, Young Henry’s, Nail Brewing, and other Australian craft breweries.
The list, displayed on a big digital screen above the taps, includes vital statistics like the beer’s name, brewery, origin, and ABV, as well as fairly detailed tasting notes, a clever addition in a city still warming up to the good stuff. If you’re keeping score from your stool, there’s also a depressing handy chart just below the beer board showing how many standard drinks you’re having with each 150, 300, and 450 milliliter glass, depending on the ABV.
Whomever sources the beer here knows what he or she is doing: there were pilsners and wheats, IPAs and pale ales, stouts, a bourbon barrel-aged Scotch ale, even a Berliner Weiss. Staff were happy to talk about the beers, to make educated recommendations, and to offer tasting samples.
I really couldn’t ask much more of a beer bar: friendly and informed staff, locally focused beer board, range and depth, decent prices, takeaway bottles, comfortable.
Actually, wait, there is one thing I could ask…
Petition Beer Corner is located at the corner of St. Georges Terrace and Barrack Street in Perth, Western Australia. +61 8 6168 7773. Open 11:30am – late Monday to Saturday, and from 12pm on Sunday.
