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Bride To Be Diaries: Traditional Bride Kath’s RSVP Meltdown

Morning you lovely lot!

Today we are handing it over to our Traditional Bride Kath who is talking all about what happens when you have an RSVP meltdown.

Our Traditional Bride

Bride To Be Diaries: Traditional Bride Kath’s RSVP Meltdown

My wedding is just 8 little weeks away now, and despite my reputation for being a full blown tidsoptimist (refer to my previous post to find out the meaning of this beautiful word!) I’m almost scared to say that I’m pretty much on track. I’m not going to bore you with the details, but when it comes to final arrangements, bookings, and payments, contrary to my own (and everyone else’s) expectations, I am on point right now. And hopefully that’s going to continue for the next few weeks while I mentally deal with what this latest piece is actually about.

It contains a massive shocker… something I hadn’t really considered at all, and something that I didn’t comprehend was going to happen.

A realisation has hit home, and it ain’t pretty dudes and dudettes, so I’m just going to put it out there – My Wedding Is Not The Centre Of The Universe.

Bride To Be Diaries: Traditional Bride Kath’s RSVP Meltdown That’s right, you heard me… For whatever reason pertinent to them, some invitees simply cannot come to my wedding. They have said NO!

Now this may not come as a shock to you, all the wedding guidelines suggest only to expect 70% attendance, but looking through the names on my guest list and smiling at the thought of seeing all these lovely family and friends that I adore, there was a smug little voice in the back of my head that I barely even acknowledged, that was saying “70%? Pfffff not on MY wedding day! Every single person I’M inviting will be moving heaven and earth to make it, no ifs no buts! What could be more important than this? Nothing of course!”

But guess what? That’s not the case!!

It started with an elderly relative who lives at the very top of the Scottish Isles, who is physically unable to make the long journey down to South Wales. I did know in my heart of hearts that she probably wouldn’t be able to make it, but I still had a little sting when I saw the tick in the “No” box of my craftily handmade RSVP.

Then it moved on to my cousins from California who only got married themselves this year… again, I knew deep down they probably won’t be able to make it, and I was right, but it still feels a little sad. Bride To Be Diaries: Traditional Bride Kath’s RSVP Meltdown And as the RSVPs have continued rolling in, there have been others… Cousins with children who can’t take time off school, people who will be away on holiday, are moving house, friends with work commitments they just can’t escape, and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a massive blow that these people who I love dearly and have handpicked especially to celebrate the biggest day of mine and The Manfriend’s life, for whatever reason, just can’t be there.

It culminated in tears last night when one of my favourite friends returned his negative RSVP due to work commitments (he works abroad to be fair) and for a whole 5 minutes I sobbed to my mum, and could hear my shrill tantrummy voice squealing “but it’s my WEDDING! It’s not just any day! How can’t he get the time off? Surely they will understand!”

And that was the point my mum looked at me with the wisdom and calm that she has, and in a soft voice, she said “well believe it or not love, the world still turns for everybody else.”

And that was it. Boom, like an epiphany, I realised exactly that… Although this is the biggest day of MY life, the most important date apart from my birth, to everyone outside my immediate circle, it’s just Friday 16th of September.Bride To Be Diaries: Traditional Bride Kath’s RSVP Meltdown

A Friday, the second week of the new school term, the completion day for most house-moves, the start of a busy weekend, someone’s birthday, someone else’s anniversary, a day that may mean something more cherished to someone else away from me and my wedding, away from The Manfriend and I. And that was a bolt from the blue if I’m honest!I’ve spent so long trying not to be a Bridezilla, not going bonkers over the bridesmaid dresses, staying happily out of my hen party plans, not fussing about the flowers and the decor, not making any crazy diva demands, and yet last night, there I was sobbing over a piece of coloured paper because my lovely friend can’t abandon his sole supervisory position and jet the 2,500 miles across Europe for just 24 hours to come to my wedding… and I literally cringed at my own reaction.

So beware… Bridezilla tendencies are not confined to screaming at your bridesmaids and poodying over the shade of ribbons. There’s a deep dark enigma inside all of us which could well be mortally miffed if we receive anything other than an “OMG I’m THERE!!” in our RSVPs. We are inviting our loved ones because we want them there, every single one of them, and if they can’t make it, it hurts. Maybe some of us can admit that perhaps it’s even our egos that are a little bruised. But please, please don’t let the beast get the better of you!

Bride To Be Diaries: Traditional Bride Kath’s RSVP Meltdown

We all know how expensive weddings are, and how lovely it feels to be invited to share someone’s special day, and for that to be directly countered by a completely impossible situation for acceptance, be the reason work, personal or god damn logistical, receiving a ‘No’ can’t be as bad as having to say it. I know from the desperately apologetic messages that have accompanied my negative RSVPs that these people who can’t make it are genuinely gutted. They love us as much as we love them, and would be there in a heartbeat… if they could… but they can’t, and that has to be understood and respected, instead of taken as some kind of personal insult. They are not rejecting me or my wedding! They just can’t make it on the day, and we have to be ok with that, because behind all the confetti, their world is still turning. Bride To Be Diaries: Traditional Bride Kath’s RSVP Meltdown So don’t be like me, sat sobbing in a heap, throwing bits of paper around and whinging like a spoilt brat. I’ve still got my wedding, I’ve still got the 70% of guests that will be there without a doubt, and I’m grateful and lucky to have them. Of course I will miss the ones who can’t make it, and I’m sure they will be missing me too, but on the day, I know at 12:30pm, they will be sparing us a thought and sending their love and best wishes, wherever they are in the world. Love transcends distance, and even presence, and for that, we must be truly grateful.

I think we can all relate to this. All you really want is to have all your loved one there to join you on your big day. Its really hard to realise that this might not be the case. Great advise to stop an RSVP meltdown. ~ Kate

Bride To Be Diaries: Our Traditional Bride Opposites Attract

We all know the saying opposites attract and it seems that this is the case for our Traditional Bride. Today Kath tells us all about her husband to be, The Manfriend.

Traditional Bride

Bride To Be Diaries: Our Traditional Bride Opposites Attract

Opposites Attract

In this post, I want to talk about something that’s both exciting and daunting. Weddings and marriage in essence are the joining of two people, two families, two personalities and two lives.
Now I’ve given you my background before, where I’m from, where I grew up, my firm family upbringing, my lifelong friends and how my childhood and past has shaped my ideas for my future and my marriage.
And I’ve briefly mentioned The Manfriend, who is of course, quite an important element in my wedding… but you’d be forgiven if you’ve missed it, because let’s face it, my entire blogging stint has been pretty much me, me, me.
But before you roll your eyes at my ego, there is an important reason behind this… aside from me just loving the sound of my own voice that is! Bride To Be Diaries: Our Traditional Bride Opposites Attract
The Manfriend and I are very different. And I don’t just mean we have different music taste (we do) or we like different foods (we do) I mean deeply, fundamentally different. I’m Welsh, he’s English. I’m blonde, he’s dark. I’m the life and soul of the party, he’s the quiet and calm in the background. While I’m necking jägerboms and falling over my own feet, he’s just finished his 3rd Pepsi of the night and has gone to sit and wait for me in the car. I like strong guitar riffs, and scratchy indie rock bands (Kings of Leon to be exact) he likes drum and bass, fast 90’s beats and jungle (whatever that is!)
I’m the loud one, the mouth of the south, the show off and the centre of attention. He’s polite, speaks when he has something to say, and is the owner of some sexy heavy eyebrows and cheekbones which give him an air of mystery but can also be misconstrued as rude or grumpy… whereas my dopey cartoon face has a history of making even crying babies giggle (I brag about this a lot.) Bride To Be Diaries: Our Traditional Bride Opposites Attract
And the biggest difference between us has got to be our background. I won’t go into the ins and outs, but he was a RAF baby, his parents split when he was young and he’s lived in more places around the UK than I’ve had hot dinners. We’d be watching some random news story about a flooded village in the middle of England and he’ll jump up and point at the tv “I lived there!” It happened so often, I thought he was making it up. But after almost 12 years of knowing him, I think I’ve finally heard them all!! He had a happy childhood, good friends, good memories and despite his mum and brother living at the top of Scotland, they’re fiercely close and talk all the time. But logistically, after all the water under the bridge, house moves and jobs, his circle is small and tight.
Bride To Be Diaries: Our Traditional Bride Opposites Attract
And mine is large and wide! I’ve got people on my iPhone “favourites” list I’ve known since nursery. Friends who have become family, family who are all still together, still in love, bringing their own families up, and all in touch with each other, and with me, and new friends I’ve made in the last few years who I’ve welcomed into the fold!
So how do you plan a wedding with the guest list so heavily disproportionate? With ease, actually. There will be no “sides” in our wedding. No division. No his and hers. There will be “ours.” Our people, all of them.
He’s met my family, my friends, he’s seen the stories in action, was there when these hilarities took place, was with me when my nephews were born, went through my friends breakups and weddings with me, in fact, I sometimes feel he knows all there is to know about me, and there are no surprises left. But then I’m like “LOL” I say something new and surprisingly stupid every day, there’s plenty more where that came from!
But with him, there is this whole life he had before me that I can only imagine. I’ve heard the names, seen the pictures, laughed at the stories, now I’m going to meet the stars of the show as actual smiling faces in front of me for the first time in all these years.
And I can’t wait. But I am (don’t tell him) a teensy bit anxious! Bride To Be Diaries: Our Traditional Bride Opposites Attract
Humans naturally go for the same or the opposite of what they are. And I’ve definitely gone for the opposite! But so has he. I really am an open book in a public library. And he’s a padlocked ledger in a secret vault. But only I have the key.
I love that he’s a bit of an enigma. I love that only I get to see the stupid impressions he does at home to make me laugh. Only I get to see the cheeky smile when everyone else sees a serious face. We say the same things at the same time. I will think something and he will say it. We just connect, you know? And only I get to spend the rest of my life still finding out new things, hearing more stories and knowing there’s still more to learn as well as making even more stories together. And how exciting is that? Bride To Be Diaries: Our Traditional Bride Opposites Attract
Ah you guys. I love this post. If you have missed her last posts you can find them here.

Our Traditional Bride Kath’s Reality Check

We have all been there. That we had loads of time. Then OH NO! Where has this time gone? I was totally relaxed and then it was blind panic. Every so often a reality check is exactly what you need. Stops you from being so relaxed you are horizontal but it does also whip you into gear so that it is easier down the road. Our Traditional Bride Kath tells us all about getting back on track. ~ Kate

Another month down, another month closer to The Big Day! So we have the main things covered; the venue, the photographer, the evening entertainment, THE DRESS, THE SHOES… but I’m not going lie, the rest of it is very much on the back burner right now. It’s been a busy month, I’ve had a lot of overtime in my day-job, my home business keeps me busy in my spare time, and any time left after that, I tend to be sleeping. Or eating. But mostly sleeping. So I just haven’t had the time to do a lot this month! I mean, we haven’t been totally non-productive… we have nailed the wedding menu, in one gorgeous sitting with The Manfriend and my wonderful mum and dad; all the courses are picked and ready to roll. I’ve also paid off The Dress so it’s officially mine. But considering we’re on the big 6-month countdown, I guess for normal people who have been planning their weddings for a while, this is where the loose ends all get tied up. I will be brutally honest; I haven’t even decided on half of the middles yet, let alone the ends. Our Traditional Bride Kath’s Reality Check

It’s a long-standing trait in my family. My sister (and bridesmaid) is literally the authority on being late. When people joke about being late for your own funeral, I think this will actually happen to her. She takes being late to the next level. It’s almost an art form. I’m talking ‘full-on-2-hours-and-still-painting-her-nails-on-arrival-at-the-party’ late. And they will look perfect! So I can say with some certainty that I’ve learnt from the best. And now I’m following that ill-fated pattern, whether it’s crash dieting a week before my holiday, last minute shopping on Christmas Eve, speed-typing in the office for the last hour to get my work finished before the weekend, or my personal favourite, getting ready for a big night out approximately 18 minutes before the taxi is due to pick me up. I’m kidding; it’s not 18 minutes, it’s more like an hour. But still, that’s not really ideal when you’re over 30 and can’t head into town wearing any less makeup than a Kardashian without scaring little kids. And just to add proof to the pudding, I’m actually writing this latest instalment (no pun intended!) the day before my deadline date. Our Traditional Bride Kath’s Reality Check

But I’ve always worked best under pressure. I will lose that last few lbs before the beach; pick up the most gorgeous bargain presents the day before Christmas, walk out of the office on a Friday afternoon knowing I’ve got nothing hanging over my head until Monday , and I can guarantee the lovely Kate from Cwtch The Bride will have this piece pinging into her inbox before the day is out! But there are some things, you really can’t be late for, and one of them is your wedding. Our Traditional Bride Kath’s Reality Check

I had a little half-joke with the registrar about my habit of being fashionably late, and with a stony face, she emphasised in no uncertain terms that should my perfectly coiffed, spray tanned, made-up, white-adorned butt not be present at the alter on time, I will, quite plainly, not be getting married that day. Or not at that time anyway. Fact. They’d do their best to return after all of their on-time arrangements had been completed, but this is never guaranteed. Yikes. Our Traditional Bride Kath’s Reality Check

But aside from my time management in relation to actual hours and minutes, I’m also a little lacking in the organisation of time in the long term, as in months and years. (Honestly, I’m really not showing my best attributes in this instalment am I… I’m actually starting to wonder how I’ve held down a job all these years… thank God for Flexi-Time! My bosses won’t be reading this will they?) What I’m getting at is, with 6 months to go, and with everything we’ve got left to arrange, purchase, book, and organise, including some fairly large aspects of the day like, oh you know, the rings, the cake, the limo transport to actually GET us to the wedding, I have got to accept that this butt of mine really has to move. And shrink, while we’re at it… 2 ½ stone to bid farewell to within 6 months…? It will happen, right?

Really, have I ever set myself a more daunting deadline for anything in my life than organising a wedding?

But before I read this back, receive a self-inflicted smack in the face of reality and begin ordering random doilies, chair covers and favour bags before we’ve even decided on a colour scheme, I do want to point out something very important about people who genuinely believe they’ve got more time than they actually have. It’s A Thing. It even has a name: Tidsoptimist. Seriously. Google it.

And as pointed out by a really interesting article I came across on Elite Daily, “Optimistic People All Have One Thing In Common: They’re Always Late.”

There’s a direct quote from the article that reads “people who are continuously late are actually just more optimistic. They believe they can fit more tasks into a limited amount of time than other people, and thrive when they’re multitasking. Simply put, they’re fundamentally hopeful.”

Now that’s not strictly true in my case, I’ve made no bones about the fact that I’ve pretty much fibbed in every CV I’ve written, I’m actually NOT an expert multi-tasker, I can barely walk and chew chewing-gum at the same time. Again, I hope my bosses don’t read this.

Who doesn’t want to be thought of as fundamentally hopeful though, eh? The article also states: “People with a tendency for tardiness like to stop and smell the roses.” Now that’s more like it.

So do you have a memory of something that gave you a reality check before your big day? I’m sure many of us can understand where she is coming from. If you would like to see some of Kath’s other posts please click here .

Traditional Bride Kath is Picking, Planning and Paying

Paying for a wedding is one of the hardest things to do as a couple. You need to make sure you are on the same page when it comes time to how much you are willing to spend. Most people have no clue about prices and then it’s a very scary thought! How do we pay for this! Today our Traditional Bride Kath is talking about how she has made her decisions and how getting a second income has helped her pay for her wedding.

So here we are, 2016! 9 months til I walk down the aisle! When I opened that tiny box containing my very sparkly future on Christmas Eve 2013, the days, weeks and months seemed to roll ahead forever!! But nope… here it is. And so the panic begins!!
We did nothing for the first year!! In all honesty, having been together the best part of 10 years (with a couple of years intermission!!) we weren’t in any rush, and financially, we knew that on my basic admin wage and The Manfriend’s intermittent cheffing pay packages, we were unlikely to be able to afford the wedding of our (read: “my”) dreams for a long while yet anyway. Or so we thought… Traditional Bride Kath is Picking, Planning and Paying
As if by fate, a friend got in touch with me a month after our engagement, and showed me a business opportunity whereby I could earn some extra cash in my spare time, from the comfort of my couch, with nothing but an internet connection. This was welcomed with open arms by the lazy devil on my shoulder, and I became the owner of my own health and lifestyle business almost overnight! Fast forward til today, we have deposits down on everything, as well as savings, meaning we could essentially pay the whole thing off now. But we are still watching the purse-strings and it doesn’t mean we haven’t had to make some sacrifices! So this installment is all about the P’s… Picking, Planning and Paying those Pennies!

Despite having a modest upbringing, I’ve got pretty expensive taste. Not by choice, believe me, I’ve tried to change, but the lazy devil I just mentioned also likes to live beyond his means, and I’m fighting a losing battle! Show me a page of shoes in a magazine and I will fall in love with the only pair that cost £200!! Traditional Bride Kath is Picking, Planning and Paying

So you can imagine shopping for The Dress… I tried on, no word of a lie, approximately 19 gowns in about 3 hours; long, short, fitted, poofy, fishtail, princess, white, cream, sleeved and non-sleeved, lace, satin, every style and shade going, without checking any prices, truly following my heart (also known as the lazy extravagant devil) and what did my heart choose? The only dress that was over a grand. Typical.
Boom, there go my chair covers!!

And it was the same with the photographer!
I scoured portfolios, studied styles, filters, poses and various packages, then in a wedding fayre, I just so happened to glance up at one picture on display of a bride looking up at her dad making a speech. The love emanating from that one picture took my breath away and brought tears to my eyes. I looked at the chap responsible for the pic, deep in conversation with another couple, and swiped his card, booking him in my heart before I even checked his prices. Best part of 2 grand gone there, in a heartbeat, literally! Traditional Bride Kath is Picking, Planning and Paying Photo Credit: Martin Ellard

Bye bye photobooth!! And I had REALLY wanted a photobooth. I wanted Marryoke. I wanted my friends and loved ones to crease themselves laughing at silly pictures of colourful wigs and goofy glasses, but was that really more important than The Manfriend and I having an album of pictures so perfect that they make our hearts burst with love when we look back at them in ten, twenty, fifty years…? We decided not. But of course, I still want my friends and loved ones to wear silly wigs and goofy glasses, so as per the advice of the creative, penny-pinching angel on my other shoulder; I’m going to make a DIY photobooth of my own, with a strung-up cardboard frame, a cheap box of props, and a few disposable cameras!

Traditional Bride Kath is Picking, Planning and Paying But of course, the biggest expense for most weddings is the venue. Yes, I could have booked my village church. Yes I could have had the party anywhere. But, walking up to the Oxwich Bay Hotel down the Gower on a crisp winter’s night, watching the palm trees dancing in front of the garden lights and being able to hear the waves tickling the shoreline in the darkness beyond those beautiful stone walls, the goose pimples that flickered all over my body from top to toe can’t be beaten by a budget!!
Besides, I wasn’t fussed about having a honeymoon anyway!! (Nb, this is a joke. We are still working on this!!)

The point I’m trying to make is, you’re only going to do this once, if you want something special, go for it!! Don’t ever forget the most important P of all… Priorities!!

Traditional Bride Kath is Picking, Planning and Paying I’m sure we can all relate to this. Paying for a wedding is one of the hardest things we as a couple had had to do. its about making sacrifices and saving. I can totally understand where Kath is coming from when she talks about priorities. ~ Kate

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